I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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