I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
