Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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