I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
