We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
