She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
