I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
