Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
