I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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