You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
