Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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