By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize