dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
