I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
