omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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