nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
