I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just pee around me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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