The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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