for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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