just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
