I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
