God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
