Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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