she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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