Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
