I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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