Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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