Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
