new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
