That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
