I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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