I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can I color on your dick again?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
