Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
