think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
