What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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