there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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