I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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