i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
