sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
