She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
