Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
