Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
