Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
