Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
