I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
