There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
