had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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