Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
