Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
