its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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