Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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