speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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