Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
