I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
