I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
