I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
