I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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