i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
