So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
