so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drunk is a universal language darling
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
