i permit you to call me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
