There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize