He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
