So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
