She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
MIDGETS
????
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
