So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
