Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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