The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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