Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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