carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
