I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
