ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
