Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
