she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
