it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
