you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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