Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
