i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
FUCK WHALES
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize