We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
