can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize